From Reading

Published April 8, 2018

As I was reading Great Expectations today, I came across a profound statement that I felt portrayed accurately a modern-day cultural phenomenon - bear in mind it's at least a century old.

"We spent as much money as we could, and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one."

-- Great Expectations, 282

If you're anything like me you engage in social media more as a spectator than a player. In the midst of my spectating, I am oftentimes tempted to believe that the lives of others are as glamorous as their Instagram story would have me believe. I, myself, will only ever post something if I think it's noteworthy or especially brag-worthy. In reality, most of life is mundane, and I believe that to be the case for everyone. We all have to eat food, we all have to sleep, and we all have to relieve our bodily functions.

I found it particularly poignant that Dickens writes "we spent as much money as we could..." and later continues "we were always more or less miserable..." I firmly believe those two are connected. When we derive happiness from things we will regularly feel emptiness. Happiness comes from within, and I believe this is at the core of what we misperceive on social media.

As someone pointed out to me today there are 86,400 seconds in a day, and that valuable resource expires every day. We can't save a few for a rainy day, increase them or decrease them. However, we can fill them with meaningful endeavors (I'll let you decide what those are). I bring that number up because I hope it puts into perspective what you see on social media. If your friend posts 10 pictures, and each picture represents 1 second of that person's day, then they're showing you 10 out of 86,400 seconds, or in other words 0.012% of their day. Think about that for a second next time you, like me, are tempted to think that the lives of others are somehow always rosy.

Published on May 21, 2018

I found this gem that seems to sum up my life from time to time. It's a long quote, but it's brilliant.

"Upon the whole, therefore, she found, what has sometimes been found before, that an event to which she had been looking with impatient desire did not, in taking place, bring all the satisfaction she had promised herself. It was consequently necessary to name some other period for the commencement of actual felicity - to have some other point on which her wishes and hopes might be fixed, and by again enjoying the pleasure of anticipation, console herself for the present, and prepare for another disappointment."

-- Pride and Prejudice, 271

In essence, the protagonist is acknowledging that in her mind she builds expectations and excitement that end up exceeding the reality of the experiences when they come to fruition. Building things up in the mind, and dwelling on future events to the point that it distracts from the here and now is not a good thing. Taken to an extreme it creates anxiety.

I've been trying to be better about not doing this and focusing on the moment. However, it's easy to fall into the trap as I do a lot of planning to reach milestones. I've yet to find the balance between looking ahead and being present, but, like most things, it's something I'll be working on for a while.

Published June 5, 2018

During the course of my graduate studies, we discussed the importance of having a diversity of thought when working in groups. One of the main reasons was to avoid the phenomenon known as 'groupthink'. Groupthink is when groups pursue harmony in favor of critical thinking; it's much easier to fall into groupthink if your peers think similarly to you.

In the course of my professional career, I've come to observe that large corporations don't rely on their employees to tackle their biggest problems, they hire consulting firms for that. This promotes diversity of thought, often opens access to benchmarking data, and ultimately identifies an external "throat to choke" (a technical business term) in the event of failure to deliver. One of the largest consulting firms, Deloitte, wrote an article on the topic of diverse thinking a couple of years ago. Little did they know Nathaniel Hawthorne was 163 years ahead of them:

"It contributes greatly towards a man's moral and intellectual health, to be brought into habits of companionship with individuals unlike himself, who care little for his pursuits, and whose sphere and abilities he must go out of himself to appreciate."

-- The Scarlet Letter, 20

Some of the best people I know have completely different ideas, philosophies, and beliefs from me, yet we still manage to find common ground and I love to learn from them. In today's world of sensationalist journalism and tribal politics, it can be easy to forget that it is healthy to disagree with others' views; the trick is finding people who are able to challenge you without a discussion descending into contemptuous mudslinging.

Published April 28, 2022

Recently, my reading experiences have been harder to find with an infant and a six-year-old at home. Fathering occupies all of my waking hours, and more often than not my sleeping ones too.

I'm not a perfect father. I'm still learning my craft. Many times I get frustrated. I am noticing, though, that just as I can see my own mistakes, my children can see theirs too. This line from Jane Austen is relevant to this fatherly learning:

"He did not enter into any remonstrance with his other children: he was more willing to believe they felt their error than to run the risk of investigation."

-- Mansfield Park, 133

As hard as we can be on those around us, they are often already harder on themselves. This has been true for me. I have been my own worst critic. The older I get the more I realize that learning compassion for self often must precede compassion for others.